Photo Credit: Caitlin Mellor Photography
DENISE’S ADVENTURES IN ONLINE DATING LAND
…or, HOW FAR DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
WILL I CHOOSE TO GO?
At the end of December, after a 3 month whirlwind
courtship that began on Facebook, I declined an invitation to be the financial
donor in a romance scam :) Then, I made the very uncharacteristic move of signing
up for a one month membership on an online dating sight. At this point, those
of you who know me well are probably double checking to make sure that this
post is actually from me! I’ve been on my own for several years now, and the
decision to step into the rabbit hole of online dating was not an easy one for
me. I had to get past my own judgements and antiquated ideas of the “right” way
to meet a potential partner. And I had to get beyond a comment one of my daughters
had made several years ago about online dating being the last refuge of the
truly desperate!
I had been thinking on and off in the last year that it
would be an amazing gift to have a partner in my life again. It is such an
honour to have a witness to your life and to be able to be the witness and
support in another’s life. And I felt like I had unpacked enough of my own
baggage to be able to enter clearly into a new relationship. Then along came “Michael”
(most likely not his real name). He told me all the things I wanted to hear and
for the first time in my life I truly opened my heart up wide to love. That heart
opening shed light on all the baggage I had unknowingly hidden under the bed
for years. And so, the truth is that even though the connection from Facebook
turned out to be a scam, I am eternally grateful for the gifts of awareness the
encounter bestowed on me. Because of “Michael”, I have been unpacking and
releasing the remnants of the old suitcases of “self-doubt”, “fear of
intimacy”, “distorted body image”, “protective wall around my heart”, “fear of
men”. Baggage I would not have known still existed without him as the catalyst.
In his own way he has helped me to pave the way for the next great love of my
life, by showing me all of the barriers I had put up to prevent myself from
recognizing, and welcoming that love with open arms, when it arrives.
If life is a mirror for me, and I truly believe that it
is, then I must ask myself some difficult questions if I’m going to walk my
talk: What is the romance scam mirroring back to me; What was my part in the
dance; Where am I seeking external validation for Truths about me that I am not
acknowledging within myself; Where am I not being 100% authentic in my life? I
don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m totally willing and open to receive
them as they come to me. And I have faith that they will come…in God’s timing…not
Denise’s timing!
What I’m most excited about in all of this is that I did
not allow my disappointment to close my heart again. I continue to say “Yes!” to life, in
all its messiness and seeming imperfection, and I say “Yes!” to love. So…how
far down the rabbit hole will I choose to go? The answer is: All the way. As Helen
Keller once said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
Namasté
Denise
