Last Thursday, March 25, 2010, a 17 year old youth made a choice to end his own life. And in the aftermath of this heartbreaking tragedy I find myself asking his spirit to help me to understand. To help me make sense of something that makes no sense at all. I want to remain in my head analyzing the "why" because it hurts way too much to fully open my heart and accept that somehow, as part of the energetic village that surrounded this child, I feel like I missed the mark. I didn't know him personally, but I believe we are all connected, and I humbly continue to ask him to show me what my part is in helping to co-create a world where children know their inherent worth has nothing to do with their accomplishments.
Chris was a young man with such a bright light and such a passion for life. And yet in his world it appeared that there was no room for anything but the best...no room for failure. There was no room to be anything less than perfect. And when he made a mistake that he thought he couldn't get out of, he believed his only choice was death. He sought a permanent solution to a temporary problem. With the end of his short time on this plane, a young man I have never met has provided me with an opportunity to wonder what I am teaching as I live my life. What kind of example am I demonstrating by the way that I choose to carry myself in this world?
Am I teaching that who people are, right this minute, is enough? That who I am right now is enough? That there is no such thing as perfect, nor is perfection a life-enhancing goal to strive for? Am I teaching that we are human beings...not human doings? What is my definition of success and how am I modeling that for the next generation? Is there such a thing as failure...or...if things don't turn out as planned, can I perceive that as a gift waiting to be opened...a learning opportunity on the journey of life? Am I teaching that honouring the journey is more important than reaching the destination?
Beautiful boy child, I don't yet have all of these answers. My heart is still breaking over your loss, but I am in deep gratitude to you for stirring these questions within me.
Rest in peace little one.